Adventures and exploits with yarn, knits, crochet and other crafts.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Non-knitters say the darndest things

To inject a little humor into your day, here is a list of a few amusing quotes my obsession has incited. Most of the time, anonymity will be maintained to protect the naive:

"Why did the baby llama have to die for you to knit a tie?" While props for the poet-and-don't-know-it rhyme of this one, it is always a treat to run across someone who doesn't catch on right away to the idea that the animals are getting haircuts and not skinned. I've had the equivalent of this one more than once--including others who have claimed to have been told not to buy certain yarns because the age at which they shear them...kills them? What? Quickly dispelling this rumor is the only appropriate course of action, though the bleeding-heart naitvite is to be respected.

"I thought moth balls came from moths" This, along with its other variations of "Why are you freaking out, it's just a moth?" or "Why can't you put that in the washing machine?" stem not necessarily from the ignorance of the speaker, but from a cultural shift in which we have almost completely stopped wearing wool fibers, because of cost and ease of production (Why buy 1 really good sweater when we can buy 10? Woo-hoo consumerism!) so mostly introducing this person to the superiority of wool is the best course of action. Bonus: Take advantage of the green trend to note the better-for-the-environment properties of wool over oil-fabric. Burning Question: How exactly does one imagine a moth would go about creating a moth ball?

"Will you knit me a...hat, scarf, onesie, snuggie etc.?" Any knitter gets this--how have you handled it? This goes along with the related question "Why don't you sell your knitting?" (It should be noted that I think the whole "don't sell knitting you made with my pattern because its my copyright" thing is bullshit) I don't sell my knitting though, because I don't think the hours of work could ever really be compensated. Usually I just suggest the person pay for the yarn (totally fair, also ensures they choose it) and bring me over some wine to enjoy with them (which makes me also like them more and want to knit for them). Some people I just love so much they get knitted things without those two processes--they know who they are.

"I realized today that dreadlocks are felted hair" While wholly unique, and almost shocking in its perceptiveness, strange statements like this from non-knitters are to be revered and respected. People who apply knowledge learned from your knitting to everyday occurences have internalized respect for the knits. Keep them around. Also, statements like that are really funny.

OK, this one I'm just going to be frank and say that it was Andrew, but it's more of a reflection on his sense of humor and my lack of skill on skinny yarn. In response to my asking if I had joined a sock, in sockweight yarn, on size 0 needles without twisting it: "It looks like one of those Escher paintings". I clearly had a sneaking suspicion (OK, was 90% certain but wanted some validation, some sense of hope) that it was twisted, one never hopes one's knitting will be compared to an impossible object.

Well there you have it: Any silly phrases from your friends?


  1. - I'm just gonna say it: llamas and alpacas are just too cute to skin.
    I <3 their harezzz!!1 though

    -Thank goodness I have have never seen a moth in the vicinity of my yarnz since I've started hoarding them.

    -That whole felted hair thing is pretty accurate and I've never realized it before.

    The extent of my friends' understanding of knitting, besides being able to knit a garter stitch scarf, is to declare patterns of knits and purls to mathematical and to give up after 30 minutes of attempting a rib stitch.

    I gave out my last round of free projects last month. Learn to knit for yourselves, I say! And when that happens maybe they'll start saying the darndest things.

  2. I have had the same experience with teaching people to knit. Though that reminds me of the best one--on the beach with my friends, this guy coming up to us, seeing my pattern (springtime bandit actually) and drops the worst pick up line ever: "Is that math?" wtf? I wanted to ask him what kind of person he thought sat around at the beach and did math problems for fun, but I realizd he probably would've found knitting to be a weirder beach activity.